I recently read J.P. Brammer’s advice column about process, and in it he talks about what it would mean to focus on the act of creation rather than the final product.
See, I wanted so badly for the act of drawing to give me the final product I dreamt of. I thought in terms of perfect results. I didn’t think of the process, of the pleasures of just moving a pencil around, of the private happiness of engaging with art for art’s sake, or the satisfaction of devoting myself to a craft.
I really like the idea taking a peek behind the curtain and appreciating the inner machinery that goes into something rather than just the end product by itself. So, I asked some of my favorite satire writers their thought process in crafting one of their headlines. The below is a wonderful, slightly unhinged look at the inner gears of creation. Read their work, follow them on Twitter, and enjoy the process.
If Cancel Culture Isn’t Real, Then Why Did I Just Shatter My Hymen Trying to Land a Kickflip?
Reductress
Maybe one of my personal favorite headlines. I'm a sucker for a purely absurd, wildly illogical "If X is true, then why can't Y, which is insane, also be true???" headline, and I knew I wanted to do something with cancel culture, because cancel culture makes people lose their god damned minds. Pure catnip! From there it was just a matter of having the phrase "shatter my hymen trying to land a kickflip" be beamed into my brain by a benevolent god/deliciously misfiring neurons, I don't know, I'm on enough psychiatric medication that I can't tell the difference anymore. But shattering one's hymen is an act so abrupt and violent that it's extra funny that it happened via a fairly innocuous skateboarding trick (I think? I know literally zero about skateboarding), so I thought that mashing them together would be funny. Also, you cannot 'shatter' a hymen, which makes it extra funny to me. The other nice thing about this one is that the game, POV, and super-defensive tone are all clear from the headline itself, which meant that it was easy, silly fun to actually write the article when it was assigned. To conclude, please write more jokes about hymens exploding during skateboarding tricks. These are dark times and we must get our laughter where we can.
-Allie Rubin, @a_rubin
You Can’t Call Yourself a Woman Until a Man Has Written a Wall Street Journal Op-Ed on Why You Don’t Deserve the Title You’ve Earned
McSweeney’s
This was a topical piece that came out of that bizarre op-ed published in the Wall Street Journal basically saying that Dr. Jill Biden shouldn’t use “doctor” to preface her name because she didn’t study medicine. It was gross and condescending and it made me super mad. This headline originated just as a note in my phone, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like it touched on the thing of men wanting to gate keep everything women do, plus the fact that men get threatened when women acknowledge their accomplishments. It started as me just getting mad and writing random notes, but it ended up as a more cohesive argument against this op-ed.
-Bobbie Armstrong, @not_bobbi
Woman Putting Off Big Daunting Task Completes Three Smaller Daunting Tasks
Reductress
This was one of those special headlines that was born purely from reality. I think I was literally putting off laundry by organizing my desk or some other BS activity and was like, "OH WAIT" and then proceeded to write this headline instead of doing either of those things. It's incredible what I will do just to not do my one, large task of the day. I actually think the original headline had "...As A Treat" at the end but I shortened it. Those little menial tasks really do feel like a treat when you're putting off The Big Guy™.
-Britt Migs, @Brittymigs
4 Clogs That'll Have Everyone Thinking, 'Here Comes A Little Horse'
Reductress
One time an ex-boyfriend asked why all I wear is clogs. I don't have an answer but I do know that every single pair (with the exception of my platform Crocs) makes me sound like a show pony. I love the Style section format for "X Things That Say Y" and brainstormed a few different ways to express the sound that my feet would make. "Horse" didn't sound right, but "little horse" hit and I thought it'd be fun to play with potential perceptions of this sound!
-Grace Bahler, @sooospontaneous
The Cast of Friends Just Reunited to Fulfill a Blood Oath They Took to Kill Marcel the Monkey
Reductress
I set out to write a Friends headline because it was timely given the upcoming reunion, and looking back, I think I landed here because it was sort of an amalgamation of two of my previously rejected headlines. One was oddly another headline about Marcel being killed (a fan quiz in which the only question was “Would You Shoot Marcel the Monkey if He Was Attacking Lisa Kudrow?”) and one that was also about the cast of a ‘90s sitcom taking a blood oath (in that case the cast of Cheers reuniting to kill a clown terrorizing a small town in Maine). As a culture there’s nothing we love more than sitcom reunions, and I just enjoy equating that with blood oaths. What I found funny was that the cast did end up hating on Marcel at the reunion, and David Schwimmer has since gotten into a feud with Marcel’s trainer — so I was on to something.
-Tom Smyth, @Tom_Smyth_
‘This Is Where the Magic Happens,’ Says Woman in Bedroom Where She Has Intrusive Thoughts That Keep Her Up All Night
Reductress
I thought of this headline because I was having trouble sleeping due to anxiety. Then, I thought of the trope in which a person says that they didn’t get much sleep last night and they mean it in some sexual way. The contrast between that and the reality of why I wasn’t sleeping was funny to me. The idea of tossing and turning in bed also creates a comedic parallel, since a person’s hair gets messed up and whatnot. I then thought of the iconic line, “This is where the magic happens” from MTV Cribs and it all just kind of fit together.
-Zola Ray, @zolamray